Holoman
by lizzierimmsy
Summary: Set right before series X - While the rest of the crew board another vessel for supplies, Rimmer stays behind. The ship is stricken hard by an unknown force. Things begin to get weird and intense after that.
1. chapter 1

The Red Dwarf crew had been running low on meds and food for the last two months. They've been looting ships and getting handouts however they could. Lister was all too proud to be petty, but for Rimmer it was nothing new.

"We must've been to every ship, every planet by now." Lister sighed aloud. He sat in the common room, staring at what may be the last bit of curry he had.

Alarms began to wail. Red Dwarf's autopilot had found something on their radar: Something new. Everyone piled into the drive room and assumed their usual positions.

"What the smeg is that?" Lister wondered.

"I'm not sure, sir. The readout says 'Dreadnaught'." Kryten replied.

The name alone already had Rimmer's stomach in knots. It looked like an abandoned station just floating out in space. It was partially destroyed. There was no telling who or what did it.

"Never heard of it." Lister said.

Over the last few weeks they've discovered loads of planets and stations that weren't even on the map. This was the twentieth one so far.

"I think maybe it was meant to stay that way." Rimmer said to Lister. "Either way we should keep moving."

"Now hold on! There might be something left on it."

"Lister, look at it! It's tattered, there's no way even a microbe of food made it through whatever happened on there!"

"There is a beacon, sirs. There could be survivors on board." Kryten told them.

"See?" Lister said as he looked back to see Rimmer giving him that same stare of contempt he always gave him. "We're going."

He hopelessly shook his head. "Nope. We're staying on course." He firmly stood his ground.

"Rimmer, don't argue with me." he chided.

"As your superior—"

Lister sighed exasperatedly, "Here we go."

Rimmer glared at him once more before retrying his futile attempt to pull rank. " _As your superior_ , what I say goes. And I say... we're not going!"

Lister took a deep breath. "Show of hands: All in favour of staying alive?" He and Cat raised their hands. "All in favour of dying a slow, needless death?" Then they put their hands down. "Two to zero. We win."

"Well, of course Bog Bot and I won't object! We can't die of starvation!" he exclaimed.

"That's not exactly true, sir. Since you and Mr. Lister are connected, in a way, if he dies of starvation or say of an untreated infection, you'll also die."

Rimmer looked dumbfounded as Lister just sat there and grinned.

"Human: One. Hologram: Zero." Lister smugly said.

Rimmer sighed. "Fine, but I'm staying here. I'm not setting foot on that thing."

"Even better." He grinned.

The three of them left on Starbug to go aboard the station, leaving Rimmer by himself on Red Dwarf like he insisted. He decided he'd stay on Red Dwarf, manning the radio in case there was an emergency. It wasn't often that he had time to himself, sharing a bunk with Lister and living with two other unbelievable gits. He felt like he was back in his childhood days, feeling totally and utterly alone. As much as he couldn't stand their company, he couldn't stand their absence either. He sat at the cockpit's radio console, slowly becoming bored and staring at the walls. It felt like hours had gone by when, in actuality it had only been thirty minutes.

"How are you holding up, sir?" Kryten asked over the radio.

Hearing his voice in the dead silence startled him; he jumped out of his hologrammic skin. After he caught his breath from irrationally panicking, he replied, "I'd be better if we got moving. How much longer?"

"You wanted to stay behind, Rimmer. That's on you." Lister chided. "Anyway, we'll be back soon. Just making one last sweep before we go."

Rimmer sighed as he fell back in his chair. If it weren't for the fact that they needed the supplies, and if everyone else wouldn't be cross with him, he would've left them behind a while ago. Plus that one minuscule fact that he, too, would die if anything happened to Lister. On the other hand he was trying to be less of an asshole, less of a coward, and more noble.

He leaned over the console and spoke into the radio, "Lister, if you're all not back in fifteen minutes..."

"I told ya, we'll be ba—" Then there was static.

Fear washed over Rimmer's face. "Lister?" He started to panic. He tried again. "Anybody, do you read me?!" But there was still no reply.

Out of nowhere something struck the side of Red Dwarf, causing it to rattle slightly and lose power for a short moment. Rimmer screamed out and hid under the desk. When he found there was no imminent doom, he crawled out. From what he could see on the glitchy monitors, there didn't appear to be any structural damage to the ship or meteors in the area. He smacked the console to make the monitors come in clearer. Still nothing. He grabbed a hold of the stress toy Kryten recently gave him; it squeaked with every squeeze.

"What the hell was that?!" he demanded to no one.

Suddenly, he heard a knocking sound. It seemed to be coming from the air lock. " _It couldn't be them already_." he thought. He mustered up the courage to head to the air lock and see what it was. Although it wouldn't be much of a weapon, he brought his stress toy along with him. At least, by throwing it, it would make for a distraction.

Cautiously, he made his way to the air lock. Every little noise or shift in the ship's structure frightened him. Even his own footsteps sent his heart racing up until he realised it was only him. He rolled his eyes at how ridiculous he was being.

The knocking continued the entire way there. Suddenly, it stopped just seconds before he got to the door. Looking completely perplexed, with one arched eyebrow and while crinkling his nose, he peered into the window of the door. Nothing was there.

"Great, I've gone space crazy." he thought aloud.

A being shot up into view. Rimmer screamed in terror and stumbled backwards, all the while putting his hands up as if he were going to do some sort of karate. He backed up so far that he wound up hitting the corridor wall. He grasped the wall, which scared him a bit as well. When he stopped to get a better look he began to calm down. He was more confused than anything else. It was a human: A female human.

"Well, are you letting me in or what?!" she asked. She spoke with a Welsh accent.

"What?" he asked, incredulously. He didn't understand how she got into the airlock without anyone else opening it.

"Let.. me.. in!" she snapped.

He was more or less asking from being lost about the whole situation, not asking her to repeat herself. He could hear her just fine.

"A-are you dangerous?" he quivered.

"Does it look like I am?" she sarcastically asked.

This is why he somewhat hated the Welsh. They were always so rude. Although maybe he just had a knack for bringing it out of them.

He walked up to the door again to get a closer look at her. The name on her suit read Harkness, but he wasn't sure how credible that was. For all he knew she stole it from someone else. It wasn't a normal space suit either. It looked like it was meant for combat. It wasn't military grade, at least not the military he knew of. She was carrying some technology he'd never seen before as well. The main thing he noticed was some kind of leather wrist brace.

"How do I know you won't kill me?" Rimmer asked.

She tilted her head slightly. "Judging by the giant H on your forehead you're already dead, right?"

He was about to go on a tangent about how his death three million years ago was better than someone whom had lost all control of their bodily functions. She took her helmet off, finally revealing her face, which distracted him. He was somewhat stunned to see how gorgeous she was; medium brown hair, bright blue eyes, skin like a porcelain doll. She looked into his hazel eyes, knowing that gaining his trust wouldn't be easy. He'd just have to take her word for it.

"Look," She held out her arms. "I'm unarmed: I'm harmless. Unless you flush me out of the air lock. In which case you'll be in for a world of hurt."

His face scrunched up as thought about letting her in for all but a second. "You'll have to be more compelling than that. Sorry." His hand was hovering over the open button.

"Wait!" she yelled. He stopped. Frantically, she tried to think of something compelling. "I— hang on." She ducked down for a brief moment. The sound of electricity buzzing; a blue glow emitted from the air lock. She popped back up. "I've got holographic pizza. Just for you."

His eyes darted from the pizza box to her, back and forth for a few seconds. "What kind is it?" he asked with a look of perplexity. He was beginning to wonder how she got it without going anywhere. She opened the box to show him. It was a pepperoni. "Too bad." he thought. His favourite was quattro formaggi with extra olives. However, with Legion giving him a hard light drive, he felt everything a living person would, including hunger. He was starving, and food was food.

He shrugged. "Good enough."

He opened the air lock door, and she waltzed on in, looking up and down the corridor. He snatched the pizza box away from her, and proceeded to eat. He watched her come inside; he had a big mouthful of pizza. She extended her hand to shake his. He quickly shoved the last big bite of pizza into his mouth, practically gagging on it, and shook her hand.

"Aria Harkness." She looked him up and down. "And who are you?" she asked, flirting with him right off the bat, even though he was hardly sexy at that particular moment. He was fraught and greasy from the pizza.

He swallowed his food, and stood tall. "Arnold J. Rimmer, Senior Officer of the JMC mining ship, Red Dwarf." Out of habit he saluted her.

She gave him a confused stare. "At ease, soldier." Aria chortled. She didn't know how else to respond. " _You're going to be interesting_." she thought to herself. Regardless, she was grateful to even be on the ship. "Thank you for letting me in." she sighed as she began walking away.

He hurried after her, just to make sure she wasn't going to off to misbehave. "Ah, excuse me?"

She stopped walking and turned around.

"Where do you think you're going?" he asked.

"Drive room is up there, yeah?" She pointed ahead.

He nodded.

She looked at him; her eyebrows raised, and she quickly smiled. Then she turned back around to head for the cockpit. He still followed her. She felt uncomfortable, but she knew why he was closely stalking her. He didn't trust her enough to be meandering about on her own.


	2. Welcome to Red Dwarf

After what seemed to be a long walk through the corridor, maybe because it was just excruciatingly awkward, they made it to the drive room. Rimmer sat down at the console, flipping switches, trying to establish some form of contact with Lister or someone. Aria stood watching him; studying him. She knew he was peculiar and fascinating from the moment their eyes locked.

"You should sit. This might take a while." Rimmer told her.

She did, all the while still fixated on him. For some strange reason she couldn't look away.

He could feel her eyes boring into him. He lifted his head up, slightly turning it so that she's in his peripherals. "Missy, it is impolite to stare."

"Sorry." She grinned as she twirled around in the drive room chair, staring at the ceiling. "Radio should be working again."

He looked over at Aria, mouth agape and furrow browned. "How did y—"

"Rimmer? Rimmer are you there?" The radio did in fact work again. It was in and out but it worked. Lister was on the other end.

Rimmer was stunned, and almost forgot what he was doing. He stammered his words at first. "Ye— Yes, I'm here! What's wrong?"

"Where the smeg have you been, man?! We've been trying to contact you for the last five minutes!" Lister exclaimed.

"We've had a... tiny situation here but everything is fine now." he nervously said.

"You sure?" Lister asked.

"Absolutely!" Rimmer squeakily replied. It definitely wasn't fine.

"Well, we're on our way back. Just about two hundred clicks out."

Rimmer prepped the ship for their arrival, and Aria was back to watching him. He glanced back, did a double-take, then stared intently at her. She smiled while he looked perplexed. He had no idea what to make of her. Nor did he have a clue how to explain to the rest that somehow they now had a new, if temporary, member.

"Let me just make something clear, you're not staying. First chance we get we're dropping you off somewhere." he insisted.

She nodded. "Okay."

"And then you're on your own." he added.

"Fine." She was sceptical of him.

He turned to fully face her. "Comprendre?"

She nodded again. "Oui."

Once everyone else returned Rimmer left to go greet the others, and Aria left after him. They came from up the stairs where the shuttles were docked, carrying a box of goods. It didn't appear that much was in it. They hauled out three small crates total.

"Gentleman!" Rimmer rather gleefully exclaimed, which worried Lister. He was anything but a gleeful guy.

"You're being cheerful. You feeling okay?" Lister asked.

"Me? I'm fine! Couldn't be more hunky dorier." His squeaky voice told he was lying, but Lister wasn't going to pry. "Is this everything?" he asked Lister.

"Yeah." He patted the crates. "It's not much. Just about a week's worth of food. We'll have to ration it."

"What about the beacon?"

Kryten shrugged. "We lost it as soon as we got there." Moments later he noticed Rimmer's stress toy on the floor of the corridor. "Sir, why is your stress reliever all the way out here?"

Rimmer's eyes widened. He couldn't think of an explanation that didn't make him sound pathetic. When he picked it up to hand it to Rimmer it squeaked, causing Aria to snort and giggle like a school girl. Rimmer didn't know she was there behind him. He had fully expected her to stay in the drive room, even though he didn't actually tell her to. He didn't think he'd have to.

She leant to the side, waving at the rest of the crew. "Hello..."

The rest of them awkwardly waved back.

"Since when did we start accepting new crew members?" Lister asked.

"We don't." Rimmer responded. Before Lister could ask another question, he added, "She just... popped in!!" They still look confused. "What? I can't explain things any more clearer for you, you gits!"

Aria almost looked disgusted with his behaviour. "Is everyone a git to you?"

"Oh, don't start!" he chided her. "I can still change my mind about you, you know."

They were bickering like an old married couple already. Their similarities were uncanny. They both exchanged dirty looks, while the others stood gawking at how there was actually a female version of Rimmer that wasn't from a parallel universe.

"If had a pound for every time I heard someone say that to me..." she muttered.

Rimmer looked away, pursing his lips in frustration.

Aria looked to everyone else, completely ignoring their confused gazes. "Is there somewhere we can all talk?"

They all went into Lister's room, and sat at the table. She placed her leather brace onto the table, and they all look perplexed by it. "Vortex manipulator. It can send me anyplace, to any time."

"Wha? Like time travel?" Lister asked.

"Yes." she replied. Cat picked it up and started fiddling with it. She swiped it out of his hands, and he hissed at her. She didn't really seem all that phased by it. She looked to Rimmer, giving him a deadpan stare. "...And here I thought you were the odd one."

"Is that how you got here?" Rimmer asked.

She nodded. "I was... in a battle of sorts. I used it to get away. I only meant to go elsewhere on the station we were on." She looked at the vortex manipulator. "I think this picked up your signal, faint as it was." She told them that her arrival on Red Dwarf caused a minor EMP, which temporarily knocked out their communications, lights and monitors.

Kryten asked, "May I see that, ma'am?" She handed it to him to examine. "It's truly extraordinary! It can take you trillions of years into the future!" This began putting ideas in Lister's head, though he didn't dare voice them.

She deeply inhaled and told them, "It was my father's. It was locked in a United Nations Intelligence Task force facility when I found it. I stole it back. His... 'friend' wasn't too happy about that, let me tell you..."

The more information she divulged, the more confused they all became.

"This 'friend' won't be after it, will he?" asked Rimmer.

She shrugged. "I wouldn't rule anything out, but if he does, he's not really dangerous."

"Well, if you need a place to stay, you can stay here." Lister said to her.

She scoffed. "If he'll have me." She pointed at Rimmer. "He wanted to leave me somewhere."

"You what?" He looked at him. "Are you insane!?"

Rimmer didn't bother to justify himself. He felt he was right.

"Do you even have to ask that?" Cat wondered.

"It's fine. Really. I wanted to get away, and I guess I will have once I'm dropped... wherever." She was rather passive-aggressive about it, though. She'd love to be on a space ship full-time.

"You see? She said it's fine!" Rimmer insisted.

Lister couldn't believe he was that cold. "Rimmer, come on!" he chided. "Look at her! What's she gonna do? Besides cause your period to sync up with her's."

Aria let out a hearty laugh, then cleared her throat when Rimmer glanced over at her. "Sorry." Aria muttered. She still had a slight grin when he looked back at Lister.

"Listy, we can't trust her!" he exclaimed.

"We? You mean you can't trust her!"

"Exactly!" he affirmed with a nod. "For all we know she might kill us all in our sleep!"

Aria sheepishly raised a hand.

"What?" he indignantly asked.

"Technically you're already dead, sir." She grudgingly bared a smile. "Just throwing that out there."

He rolled his eyes, shaking his head. "I'm not changing my mind."

Lister stood up, and walked over to Cat and Kryten. "Someone back me up here?"

"She seems harmless to me, sir." Kryten said.

Lister smirked.

Rimmer scoffed. "Like Captain Bog Bot's affirmation means anything."

She sat down next to Rimmer. She placed her hand on his forearm, to which he raised an eyebrow. "How can I get you to trust me?"

He looked down at her hand. "For starters you can get your tiny mitt off my arm."

Aria quickly pulled it away and placed it on her lap. "And?"

"And stop staring at me! I don't like it. Makes me feel like there's something wrong with me." Rimmer snipped.

Lister wanted badly to say something but he kept his mouth shut.

She asked, "Anything else?"

"What's in it for us? What can you do?"

"Well... I'm pretty decent at torturing a confession out of someone, sir." She went off his look of perplexity and gave him a better, serious answer. "I'm a quick learner. Anything you need me to do, I'll do it. What do you say?" He didn't answer for a few moments. She thought for sure it was still a no.

He looked around at everyone else, who were eager and willing to have her on board. He did have to commend her for calling him "sir", and for respecting his authority, even if he was realistically second technician. He was still a higher rank than her.

He took a deep breath and let it out harshly. "Fine. You can stay."

She was relieved. She truly didn't want to be marooned on some random planet, left to die alone. She suspected he didn't want that either. At least she hoped. She felt compelled to hug him but restrained herself from doing so. He didn't seem like much of a hugger to her. Instead she gave Lister and everyone else a big hug, while he sat there, feeling put out and ignored.

Lister said to her, "Welcome to Red Dwarf."


	3. Words He So Longed For

Barely two hours into her stay and she was already getting on Rimmer's nerves. He could hear loud music being played all the way from D deck. He knew it wasn't Lister — it didn't sound the same. No one else seemed to care about the loud, annoying music except for him. He stormed into her room where she was dancing. And not very well, either. At least not to Rimmer. "Aria!" he barked.

She stopped briefly to ask, "What?"

"Are you having some sort of seizure?" he asked.

Aria stopped dancing once more, and this time didn't start back up again. She simply glared, giving no verbal response whatsoever.

"Could you turn it down just a smidgen?"

"It's not even late! And no one else is complaining, are they?"

"I'm complaining!"

Her music switched to Julien K's Photo Voltaire. "Ooh, I love this one!" She turned it up louder.

He chided, "Stop it!" Though he'd never admit it to her face, he did find the song catchy.

"You know, Rimmer, you'll never get that stick out of your arse if you don't relax." she retorted. He stood in the doorway, fuming with nostrils flared. "C'mere. Dance with me."

"No." he hastened to say.

She wouldn't have it. She grabbed him by the arm and pulled him in, forcing him to dance with her. He staggered around a bit from the sheer force of being yanked into the room.

He didn't actually dance with her, he just stood in the room rather than the doorway. "I have better things to do than shake my posterior, thank you very much." He looked smug as if he were too good to dance.

"What? Stare at the walls? Have an existential crisis?"

She was only half right. He was going to stare at the ceiling rather than the wall. He watched her poorly dance. There wasn't anything else he could do. She wouldn't listen to him, and honestly, he didn't want to leave. He figured she had to be in her mid twenties, maybe early thirties. True, age was only a number, but he didn't want to be "that guy". He felt weird just considering the possibility of being intimate with her. As she mouthed the lyrics he became more mesmerised by her.

She eventually noticed him watching her. "Now look who's staring." she retorted.

"I was— I didn't—" He could barely form a full sentence. Finally he uttered, "Sorry."

She chuckled. "It's okay." She stopped her dancing, and sat on the bed.

He grudgingly smiled at her. He couldn't believe he was for once feeling something other than anger, fear or paranoia. For the first time in years he felt compassion for someone — someone he hardly even knew. Oddly, it felt amazing.

"Rimmer, I get the feeling you want to talk." She patted the other side of the bed, signalling that he could sit by her.

"Oh, please. Call me Arnold. Or 'Big Man'." he said with a grin.

"I shudder to think of what 'Big Man' implies." She managed to get him to laugh a bit. She confessed, "You know, this entire time I've been trying to figure you out. I think I'm beginning to."

He scoffed. "You've got nothing. I am unfigureoutable, Aria. This nut isn't meant for cracking!" He seemed rather proud to say that. Mostly because it means he successfully built his walls so tall and strong that not even he can even shift a brick.

"Ah, but I did crack you a bit, didn't I? Otherwise I wouldn't be here." She was pretty intuitive, and extremely empathic. She could feel every ounce of the pain he's in, be it mental or emotional. She knew from the get-go that he was overly cautious around others, even if he knew them well enough. "You're lost..." she intoned.

His eyes narrowed. "Sorry?"

"There's no filter in your brain that says, 'Go with this instinct, not that one.' Really the only instinct you do listen to is the one that tells you to run, don't you?"

His upper lip somewhat twitched. She really hit the head of the nail.

"You've had some hard times, to say the least. Your past haunts you. You've been so convinced that what they've all said and done was right."

He could feel a tightness in his throat; hologrammatic tears began to form behind his eyelids. He turned away so she couldn't see him cry. He could have just as easily walked away but he felt like he couldn't move. Something compelled him to stay in the room. Rimmer sniffled a bit.

"But you know what? It's over." she said. "All of it. True, you can't change what's been done, unfortunately, but you're here. Right now. You've made it through. You're stronger than you think." She half smiled, wishing he'd turn around. "Arnold, I've seen you. The you that's been buried alive, incased in bricks and mortar. The small glimpse I've seen of him I can tell you... he is a remarkable man. He just needs to be released." Still no response from him, except a sigh. "I'm proud of you."

Those four words made him start to sob. No one ever told him that before. Not even the two people who, by nature, are supposed to say that: His parents.

She stood up, and walked over to be at his side. He turned away again. She was able to see a few tears hit the floor. "That's what you've been wanting to hear, isn't it?" Another sniffle was the only response. "I suspect there's one other thing you've been wanting, too." she added.

She got closer to him. Despite the fact that he was turned the other way, she outstretched her arms and enfolded him in them, giving Rimmer a backwards hug. The sobbing started again. Eventually he turned around, burying his head into her neck and shoulder. He wasn't sure what came over him. She was a complete stranger, yet here he was, bawling into her arms.

Her hands shifted from the middle to his upper back, rubbing it gently. She said she was proud of him repetitively, and each time it seemed like he was crying harder. It got to a point where she stopped talking altogether and gently shushed him, all the while still rubbing his back.

He didn't want to let go. On the other hand he didn't want his fellow shipmates seeing him like this. He couldn't tell why he was crying anymore — if it was because someone was being nice to him for once, or because of hearing the words he so longed for. Whatever the case, he seemed to be calming down.

He knew he couldn't stay this way forever, so he slowly pulled away from her embrace. He couldn't breathe through his nose anymore. He still wasn't done bawling his eyes out. Not by a long shot. Still, he pushed it down for the time being. It wasn't the best, healthiest thing for him but what else could he do?

He sniffed harder this time, trying to get some air into him. "I should... probably go." Even though he didn't want to.

"Or you could stay. Vent." she insisted.

He did enough venting for one day, even if he didn't say anything. "No, no. I need to— Someone has to..." He twisted his face, trying to think of some excuse Nothing came to mind. "Recalculate the..." He made a rotating gesture with his hands. "in the..." He pointed behind him.

"Okay..." she said, half smiling at him.

He awkwardly smiled back, walked out of the room, and in less than five seconds turned around and came right back in. "I don't deserve that." Rimmer said. Assuming that was an attempt to vent, Aria just listened to what he had to say. "I never do anything for others to be proud of. Maybe some other version of me, like... Ace." He bared a grimace. "I hated that gimboid. Correction: I loathed him."

Ironically, he was Ace for a long time. Ultimately every version of Rimmer became him at some point. Rimmer grew tired pretending to be something he truly wasn't. It was a life he wasn't meant for. He left that life behind and came back to Red Dwarf just as it was being attacked by a highly corrosive micro-organism. Shocked by the state of the ship, and from seeing his own dead body, he started to panic. He tried to steady himself and accidentally grabbed onto a lever, which detached the middle half of Red Dwarf. By some stroke of luck, the middle happened to be the area affected by the micro-organisms. He panicked even more when he found he'd have to somehow lock the front part onto the end part of the ship. He could barely handle Wildfire let alone Red Dwarf. In the end he did it: He saved his friends by a fluke, but Rimmer would deny it ever being a fluke. Mainly to make himself sound better, and boost up his own self esteem.

"I think what I loathed more was that Ace was something I could never be. No matter how hard I tried." Rimmer mused.

Aria hesitated to smile at him. "Well, everyone has their own calling, I guess."

Rimmer began to get worked up a bit. "But I always thought I was destined for greatness! I felt it with every fibre of my being. I thought I'd be a captain — a general. Something other than," He spread his arms out wide. "This!"

"You?" Aria chortled. Rimmer had a blank, yet slightly insulted expression on his face. "Look, Arn..." She put an arm around his shoulders, pulling him in closer. "Do you really, honestly, without a doubt know for a fact... that if you were someone like that; leading men into battle, under fire you'd be able to handle it without that one instinct kicking in?"

He stood there, deep in thought, rubbing his chin. Truthfully if he had to think about it, the answer had to be no. He inhaled sharply; his eyes diverted from the wall to her.

Aria's look begged for an answer. "I'll take it that's a 'no'." She sat back down on her bed. "It's not to say that you're not brave..." She looked him over. "In your own way. I just think that if you were meant to be someone like that, it would have happened already." She held out her arms. "This isn't great? You're in space! Doing... space things!"

He gave a so-so gesture. "It just gets a bit samey after a while."

She shook her head, and got up once more. "Clearly you and I have led different lives." She made her way to the window. Outside the ship were a few galaxies in the far distance. Billions of stars shone bright in the blackness of space. She saw more stars than she ever imagined. After everything she had seen before, most of which still haunted her, floating in space on a course to nowhere was like a vacation to her. "This... This is... beyond great."

Kryten knocked on the door frame. "Sir?"

Rimmer glanced back at him then at Aria. "What is it?"

"Mr. Lister needs you for something, sir."

Extensively, he rolled his eyes. "Honestly, that clown would seriously be lost without me." he griped.

Aria still stared out the window, both lost and fascinated by the view. Just as Rimmer was about to ask if she was alright, she told him, "Go." She didn't even look away.

He left to go down to the drive room, briefly looking back at her, wondering if she was alright. She seemed lonely to him. "You sure?" Rimmer asked.

She finally looked at him. "Yeah." she replied. "I'll probably just nap, or something." She sauntered over to her bunk and flopped down. She was dead tired.

Rimmer was hesitant to leave but he did reluctantly. He and Kryten talked on the way to the drive room. "Did you find out anything?" he asked Kryten. Earlier Rimmer had him get as much information as he could on Aria.

"I've look meticulously, sir. She doesn't seem to exist." Kryten replied.

Rimmer stopped walking, but Kryten kept going. He grabbed Kryten's forearm, forcing him to stop. "What do you mean she doesn't exist?" Rimmer asked.

"There is no Aria Harkness in my database, sir."

"Well... check again! There has to be something." Rimmer said. "Look harder. That's an order."

"Oh, please, sir! Don't order me to help you. You know how much I hate helping you!" Kryten griped. Rimmer had his usual glare plastered on his face. Kryten sighed. "Very well, sir."


	4. Three Million Years

"You summoned for me?" Rimmer asked in a failed attempt to be funny. It was funny, but in an odd, yet usual smeg-headed Rimmer way.

"What?" Lister chortled. He whipped his head around to look at him. He noticed his eyes were red and swollen. "You alright?"

His upper lip twitched as he grew anxious, then donned a blank expression and denied it all. "What do you mean?"

"Your eyes are bloodshot..." Rimmer opened his mouth, about to give a false explanation but Lister cut him off. "And now that you're talking, you actually sound stuffed up."

Rimmer's eyes widened; he hoped that Lister would be his usual daft self and not come to any conclusions.

"Have you got some sort of holo-cold?" Lister asked.

Rimmer let out a giant sigh of relief. Lister's obliviousness and stupidity came through once again. Either that or he was joking. Then he remembered he had to answer his question. "I have... allergies."

Lister wasn't buying it. Incredulously, he asked, "Allergies? From what?"

He scrunched up his face, deep in thought. "Aria!" he exclaimed as he snapped his fingers, pointing at Lister.

"You're allergic to Aria? How?"

He started pacing around. "Oh, what are you asking me for?" he hastened to ask. "All I know is that I was fine before, now she's here and I'm not fine." he squeaked.

"Wait, you were fine before?" he jested.

Rimmer glared at him as he usually did. "Ha-ha. Hi-smegging-larious. Now, what did you want me for?"

"I've been thinking—"

Rimmer interrupted, "Oh no."

Lister stared at him, blinking a couple of times.

"What? I can't make jokes about your intelligence? Or lack thereof?"

He shook his head. "As I was sayin': Why are we still mucking around, looking for food? Aria has that..." He snapped his fingers, trying to remember what it was called. "vortex thing. Why not use that to go to some time period where food was plentiful, grab some grub and come back here with it?"

"Hang on. Did you just use the word 'plentiful'? Correctly?"

"Rimmer, I'm being serious."

"So am I!" he exclaimed. He playfully punched Lister in his bicep. "Someone's been using their word-a-day calendar, haven't they?"

Lister just stared blankly at him. "C'mon, man..."

Rimmer went back to being serious. "I know you're worried, we all are. But I'm sure there's a better way to go about it."

"Like?" he asked.

Rimmer pursed his lips as he thought of one. He knew Lister was tired of mooching off of others. Then he got an idea. "You could actually... work."

"Work?" Lister disdainfully asked.

"Yes, work. W-O-R-K." He was being needlessly sarcastic. "Listy, we've been though this. It's in the dictionary. Look it up."

He dismissed his insult. "Where are we gonna find work out here? There's nothing."

Rimmer shrugged. "I'm sure there's some salvage jobs out there..."

"Yeah, okay." He sighed. "Guess I'll start looking. You should too."

He looked dumbfounded by that notion. "Me?!"

Lister nodded in response.

"Alright, fine!" Rimmer griped. "But if I wind up a soup vendor technician again, kindly shut me down."

"Deal!" Lister acted like he was all too ready to do so, but deep down he can't live without him. Picking on him was his way of saying he loved him, even though it never came across that way.

Rimmer left to go to his quarters. As he exited the drive room he could hear Aria humming. She was close by but he couldn't see her.

She exclaimed, "Hello, Arnold!"

He looked around the area for her. She was nowhere to be found. Perplexed, he kept whipping around, trying to find her, almost making himself dizzy in the process. Eventually he looked up and saw her hanging upside down from the rafter. He jumped back a bit, nearly tumbling back into the drive room. She gave him a friendly wave.

"How on Io did you get up there?!"

She twirled 'round the rafter, and landed feet first onto the ground, just feet away from him. "I climbed, of course."

He stood in a heap of confusion, arching one eyebrow. She definitely was an odd one. She began walking away, and he hurried after her.

"Aria, I know you just got here, but we're sort of struggling. I was wondering if you'd apply for a job with the rest of us? It would help us out." They both stopped walking, and stared at each other. He folded his arms, waiting for an answer.

"You mean you're not paying me?" she jokingly asked. Her joke went over his head.

He held his arms out as if to say, "Look at us! Look at the ship! Do we look rich?!" They weren't exactly rolling in dough.

"I was kidding, Holo-Man." She shook her head and started to leave again.

He thought it was a strange nickname for him. "Wait up!" he shouted out to her. He ran to catch up with her.

"By the way, you have a lot of weird stuff in your room." she blurted out.

The juxtaposition of their conversation had Rimmer reeling a bit. He looked indignantly at her. "You've been in my room?"

She didn't answer him. "What's the penguin puppet about, then? And that hollowed out book with your diary in it..."

His mouth was agape. He was nearly at a loss for words. "You didn't!"

"No!" she drawled. "Like I would bother with that." She scoffed at the very thought of reading his personal thoughts. She knew her boundaries.

As they strolled down the corridor she found herself staring at him again. He was looking down at the ground and didn't notice. He would have made her stop otherwise.

"You okay?" she asked.

"I'm fine. Why?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "Earlier on you were pretty... well, distraught."

He half smiled and said, "About that: I hope you don't feel obligated to have pity on me."

She pursed her lips, and shook her head. "Not at all," They stopped walking, and she placed her hand upon his shoulder. "but for what it's worth..."

Rimmer looked at her hand, then at her, somewhat horrified. He's not scared of her, he's scared of what might happen next if that hand stayed there any longer than it needed to.

Aria yanked it away. She continued, "If you ever feel like no one cares, just know that I do."

He didn't know how to respond to that. She had been so kind to him. It wasn't something that he was used to. "Th— Thank you." he sheepishly said, and grudgingly smiled at her again.

She smiled back, and was about to leave when she remembered something. "Oh! I've been meaning to show you..."

He awaited for what she was about to show him. She began doing the hated-by-many Rimmer salute. The long one reserved for special people. As she waved her arm up, down and about, he watched her, beaming.

Lister came out of the drive room, and went down the hall to see what was going on. Aria was still doing the salute.

"Oh, smeg, there's two of them." Lister griped.

She finally finished the ridiculously long salute. "Sir!" She grimaced, feeling odd for calling him that. "Arnold..." It still felt wrong. "D'you know what? I'll just call you Rimmer like everyone else."

Rimmer gave a quick, affirming nod.

She saluted again - a quicker one, and she strutted off.

Rimmer stood with a smug look on his face. He felt good for imparting some knowledge on to someone else, useless as it was. He finally noticed Lister standing next to him. "There's something about her, Listy. Something I like." he said as he watched her leave.

"Yeah, she's turning into you!" he retorted.

Rimmer found himself staring at her rear end, tilting his head, and contemplating the tightness of her nether region. He couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like having her naked body against his, sweating, panting and writhing in pure ecstasy.

Lister gave him a once over, and knew almost instantly what that "something" was. "You fancy her, don't ya?"

He immediately stopped watching her. "Her?! No!" He shuddered with a look of disdain upon his face. "Firstly, she's much younger than I am. By a lot. Secondly, she and I are polar opposites!" It wasn't true. He saw a lot of himself in her, as did she. "It wouldn't work." While he was lying when he said he didn't like her, he knew that it truly wouldn't work. He knew no one could ever love him.

Lister could tell a crush when he saw one, and he knew he had it bad. "Sure, Rimmsy. Sure." he said as he patted him on the back.

Aria was in the room where the crew files were located. The only people on file, who were actual crew members, were Lister and Rimmer. Naturally, she looked at Rimmer's file first. That included everything the hologram version had done to date. She knew a lot about him already, but some things were harder to get just by looking. After skimming through what she had already ascertained about his personality, she came upon an unsettling discovery. She read about the radiation leak that Rimmer inadvertently caused in 2077, one which killed everyone on board except for Lister, who was in stasis at the time. That, in of itself, didn't bother her as much as the next thing she read: It happened three million years ago.

She left to go find Lister or Rimmer to talk to about this. As she roamed the halls, she ran into the smeg-head himself. He was standing at the end of one of the side corridors.

"Rimmer!" she shouted. She walked over and saw that down the way was Cat and Kryten, looking on the ground for something. "What is going on here?" she asked.

"The Cat saw a weevil." he exasperated. "So we're looking for it." He'd much rather be doing something more useful than stand around, waiting. All because Cat had, what Rimmer thought, an episode of over imagination and was seeing things.

She furrowed her brow. "It'd be pretty hard to lose a weevil, wouldn't it?" Then Kryten pulled out the weevil:'It was a completely different weevil than what she was thinking of. "Oh... those weevils..." she drawled.

"There's other kinds of weevil?" Rimmer asked.

Aria shrugged, figuring it was best to keep her mouth shut about that.

Rimmer grimaced as Kryten walked by them, holding the weevil in the palm of his hands. "Did you need something?" Rimmer asked her.

She had almost forgotten what she came over for. "I... I need to talk to you."

"You are talking to me." he sarcastically said

She blankly stared at him.

"My God, have you forgotten?" He then started talking slowly and clearly so she could understand him. "Aria, it's me. Arnold Rimmer."

She glared. If she knew she wouldn't hurt herself, she'd deck him right then and there, but he was in hard-light mode. The punch would hurt her more than it would him. "Never mind!" she drawled. "Where's Lister?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know."

Aria stormed off in a huff, in search of Lister. Kryten probably would've given her a better answer but he was busy dealing with the space weevil.

"Aria, wait." Rimmer exhorted.

She stopped and turned around. "Yes?"

"What did you want to talk to me about?"

"Don't you think not telling me that I'm currently in deep space, 3,000,000 and some odd years into the future was a bit of an oversight?" she indignantly asked.

"Ah, yes. That little tidbit of information." he mumbled.

Aria glared once more.

"Sorry." He cleared his threat. "You're currently in deep space, 3,000,000 and some odd years into the future."

She became more angry with every word he spoke.

"Why are you so cross with me? I did tell you."

"Only just now." she huffed.

He dismissively shrugged. "Better late than never, Aria." He and Aria began walking off in an undetermined direction. "How did you find out, anyway?"

"I was looking through the computer logs and files, and—"

"You and snooping, honestly!" he griped.

"I only 'snooped' because no one's telling me anything!" To be fair, however, she never did ask. It never truly occurred to her to ask. "Besides, who am I hurting by looking?"

"It's common courtesy to not be nosy!" he exclaimed. "And you violated Space Corps. directive 867..." He said it like she was supposed to know what he was talking about.

Aria extensively rolled her eyes. Luckily, she read through the directives as well while she was in the computer room. "No persons on board should have sex if the ship is at full capacity, due to the risk of pregnancy?"

He felt so small and embarrassed, because while she had only been on the ship for three and a half hours, she already knew more than he did. Most of what he learned took months to figure out, and even then it was questionable whether or not he actually knew anything.

She corrected him. "I think you mean directive 596."

He glowered. "You think you're smart, don't you?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "Even so, there's no acting captain on board, is there?" she smugly asked. Rimmer opened his mouth, about to say something but Aria cut him off. "And before you decide to pull rank, you might want to take into consideration that rank means nothing out here in deep space."

He just stared with an arched eyebrow. He tried to think of a comeback but for once he had nothing. Every time he felt like he thought of something, no words would come out.

She waited for him to say something - anything, and eventually gave up. Sharply, she inhaled. "Right. I'm going to Lister, seeing as how you're no help whatsoever." she said as she began to walk away.

"Not so fast." Rimmer hastened to say. "You did violate a directive, remember?"

She stopped and turned around. "Oh, come on!" She put her hands on her hips. "You can't be serious. I'm not even part of JMC!"

He nodded, and pointed at her. "Technically, you are now." He whipped out a pen and paper and started writing. "You're on report, milassie."

While he was writing it, she slapped the notebook out of his hands. They glared at each other. He bent over to pick it up. It took every ounce of mental strength she had not to push him to the floor, just for the sake of doing it. He truly made her cross.

He wrote up another report for being rude to a superior. He grinned. "I can do this all day."

"Yeah, well, I can't." She turned and stormed off.

He wanted to stop her again and apologise. At least ask her if she was angry with him, although it was clear she was. He wrote a few measly reports and somehow he felt guilty for it, even though she was the one with the attitude. The corner of his mouth twitched, and he walked off, debating if Lister was right. Was this affection? He hadn't felt it in so long, he forgot what it was like. Assuming he ever felt it at all.

"Clearly, she's from Earth." Rimmer said, pacing the floors of his and Lister's sleeping quarters. "Clearly, she knows more than she lets on."

Lister was sitting at the table, practically falling asleep from boredom listing to Rimmer pondering the implications of Aria's existence. "How do you figure?" he sleepily asked.

"She knew I was a hologram, even before I let her on the ship."

"So?"

"So unless she had been here before, how would she know?"

Lister shrugged. "Okay, so she knows stuff that most outsiders wouldn't. Who smeggin' cares? She's a human being! Which means I might not be the last person alive."

It was all the more reason to get back to Earth. If she lived then others probably made it as well.

Kryten waddled in with the info Rimmer asked for in hand. "Here you are, sir. It's all the information I could gather. I should warn you, it is a bit long."

It was a stack of pages thicker than Steven King's The Mist. Kryten placed them on the table.

"How did you find out so much, Krytes, if she didn't exist?" Lister asked.

"I simply honoured the age old tradition that has been practised by man for ages, sir."

"Which is?" Rimmer wondered.

"I asked her." Kryten replied.

Rimmer was back stabbed again by his sneaky side. If only he thought about how to go about it more thoroughly, he probably could have avoided that bit of embarrassment.

"Well, I could've done that!" he snipped. He picked up the pages and began reading the info aloud. "'Born in 1989, Earth. Age: late 20's, early 30's'..." He stopped there. "Granted I'm not too well versed in math, but wouldn't that make her over 2,000,000 years old?"

"She doesn't look bad for being 2,000,000 years old." Lister said.

"Don't forget: She has a device capable of time travel. She can go anywhere, past or present, and not age a day." Kryten reminded them.

Rimmer didn't know why he thought getting information on her would help. The stress made his hologrammatic stomach flop like someone dropped him from fifty floors up. He was getting increasingly worse, and Lister was taking notice.

"You alright, man?" Lister asked. He got no response.

Rimmer couldn't tell if this was anxiety or fury; he had no reason to feel either way. His breath quickened until he got to the point of hyperventilation. It was now a matter of worrying about why he suddenly became a nervous, angry wreck. He found himself gripping the wall, trying to steady himself. Kryten tried offering him his Chinese worry balls but Rimmer just knocked them out of his hand.

Then Cat came strutting in. Something in Rimmer's head snapped in that moment. Before Cat could even say, "Hey, buds." Rimmer lunged at him, pinning him to the wall by his throat.

"Whoa! What the hell?!" Lister shot out of his seat and struggled to pry Rimmer off of Cat. "Rimmer, man, knock it off! Snap out of it!"

Just as quickly as his violent outburst came on, it ended. When it registered in his mind that he was killing Cat he let go, and backed away. Even he was shocked by his actions.

"What got into you?" Lister asked.

Rimmer's lips quivered in fear. "What did get into me?" he wondered. He didn't like any of his crew mates, but he certainly didn't want to kill any of them. He looked around at everyone; they were just as scared and confused as he was. He whimpered, "I— I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..."

"Are you alright, sir?" Kryten asked.

Lister was more than a little upset that he wasn't concerned about Cat and his well-being. "Is he alright?! He nearly got the life choked out of him and you're worried about Smeg for Brains over there?!"

"Man, he ruined my best suit!" Cat whined. "Don't you know this kind of fabric doesn't bounce back?!" he asked Rimmer.

Lister rolled his eyes. "On the other hand, he's probably fine."

Rimmer didn't know what to say except that he was sorry. He chanted it like a mantra until it got to the point where the word had lost all meaning. He backed up until he landed in his bunk, then curled up into a ball and cradled himself in bed.

"Are you alright?" Lister asked Rimmer.

In between the quickening breaths he replied, "Leave... me... alone."

Lister shrugged his shoulders. "Suit yourself." He gestured to the others. "Let's go."

Rimmer was left alone, as per request. It wasn't that he didn't want the company, he just didn't want to hurt anyone else. He was terrified.The only other time he'd act completely scared and helpless like this was when danger was about. This time the danger was himself, and there was no escaping from it. How can you run away from yourself?


	5. Hardlight Whacko

Aria barged into Lister and Rimmer's room, where Rimmer was sitting quietly at the table, tinkering with equipment of some sort. Anything to keep from feeling any emotion whatsoever.

Aria felt equally as terrible for the way she acted. She couldn't think about anything else except for Rimmer and his stupid ferrety face. "Okay, I've been dwelling over it for a while now. I know I screwed up..." she blurted out. "Although I can't understand how." She stopped long enough to see the peeved look on Rimmer's face. "Tell me what I need to do, because I honestly don't like us being this way."

He looked perplexed by what he assumed was an apology, and by the fact that she implied they had a relationship of some sort. "Us? I didn't know there was an 'us'."

"Well, yeah." she chortled. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you and I were a couple."

His eyes widened. He didn't realise she was only kidding around. " _When did we become a couple?_ " he thought to himself.

She folded her arms. "I'm trying to make you laugh, you goit!"

"Goit?!" he asked, incredulously. He thought he was the only one who knew that term. Though, it wasn't the worst thing he had been called. Mr. Gazpacho still holds first place. Not knowing what else to do, he too resorted to name calling. "You're the... goit!" he retorted, childishly.

She chided, "Oi, watch it Holo-Man!"

He never wanted to insult a woman more in his life. "Oi, watch it Earth-Girl!"

She gasped. "Don't you 'smeg' talk me, mister!" She didn't know what smeg was but she knew it must've been some sort of swear word.

" _Me?!_ _You_ started the smeg talking!"

"Oh real mature, you narcissistic, neurotic gimboid!" She shoved him, nearly knocking him out of his seat.

" _Neurotic?!_ " That was the one term he chose to focus on. He got up, looking determined to win this fight, and he shoved her back.

The two dysfunctional "love-birds" started yelling - screaming over each other. None of them could get a word in edgewise. It was a first: Rimmer had finally met his match. The problem was they were equally stubborn. Neither one of them were about to let the other win. Eventually they resorted to making faces. Rimmer had the upper hand, since his face seemed to be made of rubber and contorted in many ways her's couldn't.

Realising that her facial structure was no match, she began to imitate him. "Ooh, look at me! I'm Arnold Judas Rimmer," She drawled on every syllable of his name. "Alexander the Great's chief eunuch! Anything to hide how much of a _useless, cowardly twat I am!_ "

He stopped making faces, and appeared terribly hurt. That one stabbed him right in his pride, what little of it he had left. He was just starting to trust her, his walls were beginning to crumble, then she had to go and break his heart. He was at a loss for words; he stood there in the middle of the room, dejected.

She felt bad for saying it. He just got on her nerves and it slipped out. Like Rimmer, she had no filter between her brain and her mouth sometimes. "Oh, God, I'm sorry." she gasped.

Rimmer wasn't looking at her anymore. He refused to.

"Rimmer, come on." she begged, hoping he'd at least acknowledge her apology somehow. Maybe with a nod. He seemed to be in a disassociated state. It was either that or he was giving her the cold shoulder. She tilted her head, curious to know what was going on. " _Did he shut down or something?_ " she wondered.

Then he began wheezing and hyperventilating. Sadness had quickly become anxiety. It was a stress induced mental breakdown, all because of what she said. He spent years trying to get his anxiety down after Kryten said it could essentially kill him. Everything he was starting to forget, which only happened because of her kindness, came flooding back to him all at once.

"Rimmer?" she quavered. "What's wrong?"

He flopped down on his bunk, still wheezing and clutching his chest. He thought his hologrammatic heart might explode at any second. Aria tried her best to calm him down. She knelt down in front of him.

"Arnold, relax. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."

He was still hyperventilating and shaking profusely. It was getting harder for him to stay conscious. All this quick breathing would surely cause him to pass out.

She gently slapped his face on both sides to keep him awake. "Calm down. You'll kill yourself if you keep this up." she said.

At this point Rimmer didn't care. He figured it'd do everyone a favour if he did, if he was the failure everyone depicted him to be.

She stood up. "I'm going to the medi-bay, alright? Just... stay there."

She rushed off to the medical bay, in search of something to calm him. Maybe even sedate him. She rummaged through the drawers and counters for something. Anything. Finally she found a vial of an anti-anxiety medication meant for holograms.

"Diazepam. This'll do." she said to herself.

She arrived back just in time to see Rimmer standing in the middle of the room again. His back was turned to her. Something must have happened while she was gone. He didn't seem well. She couldn't tell what it was about him that was "off" but she knew first hand that anxiety attacks don't fade that quickly.

She arched an eyebrow. "Rimmer? Are you alright?" He was freaking her out. He was in that disassociated state again, only more deeper. She slowly walked up to him, filling the syringe with diazepam. "It's okay. Talk to me. Tell me what's wrong." Aria softly said.

Rimmer stayed in the same place, arms folded across his chest. His body was shaking and he was unresponsive. Just as Aria was about to place a hand on his shoulder he grabbed her wrist without even looking, squeezing it hard. She could hear the bones being crushed. There was no other option but to scream in agony.

With her one, good free hand she jammed the needle in his neck. It was hard enough to penetrate his hard-light projection. He groaned; he tried to get her to stop. By the time he had a slight grip on her other wrist she was done, and he was out. Originally she was going to give him half, but this dose was big enough to knock him unconscious instantly.

He gradually loosened his grip on her as he fell to the floor. She let out a pained gasp. Finally, she could have her wrist back. She moved her fingers and twisted her wrist around to check if it was broken. Surely it was going to leave a bruise at least. She looked down at him, wondering what brought that on.

"Fucking hell!" Her exclamation echoed throughout the empty room.

Now she had to figure out what to do with him: Leave him on the floor or get him in bed somehow. She wasn't the strongest person, and he looked like he weighed at least 86 kilos, maybe more. She couldn't just leave him either. She squatted down, and slid her arms under his.

Lister came rushing in after he heard the screaming. He looked down and noticed Aria struggling to pick him up. "What happened?"

"I dunno. I came in to apologise for something I did earlier, then the next thing I knew we're arguing… He grabbed my wrist, and I sedated him." she told him.

That didn't sound at all normal to him. "Are you hurt?"

She shook her head. "I don't think so. Nothing's broken." The two of them look at Rimmer once more. "Help me get him to medical."

She locked her arms under Rimmer's while Lister picked him up by the ankles, as best as he could. "God, he's a heavy bastard!" Aria griped. Most of the problem was that he was dead weight.

"You'd think he wouldn't be. He's just hot air!" he joked. They tried lifting him again. "Lift with your knees." It was no use. They laid him back down, and Lister left to get Kryten to help them.

Eventually they got him to the medi-bay for analysis and recovery. Kryten ran a few tests. They'd have to wait for the results to come back, which evidently could take hours.

* * *

An hour passed by. Rimmer was still unconscious. Aria tightly held a couple of his fingers. Because his hands were much bigger than hers, a few fingers were all she could comfortably hold. Once in a while he'd twitch, like he was dreaming. As much as his voice and overall attitude annoyed her, she truly wanted him to wake up. For now she would have to settle for silence.

"Is he still out?" Kryten asked.

Aria nodded, never taking her eyes off of Rimmer. "Yeah..."

"How much holo-medication did you give him?"

Indignantly, she stared at Kryten. "I don't know. I was too busy fearing for my life to notice." she retorted.

He dismissed her sarcastic comment entirely. "I just wish I knew what caused this. Mr. Rimmer isn't a violent person at all."

Suddenly, Rimmer's eyes shot open. Aria quickly glanced over at him. She didn't think much of it until it sunk in, and she realised he was awake.

"Hey..." she chortled.

"Ah, sir! How are you feeling?" Kryten asked.

Rimmer didn't answer him; he just spaced out, staring at the ceiling.

"Mr. Rimmer?"

Aria backed away to stand next to Kryten. She felt uneasy. She knew something bad was about to happen, she just didn't know what or to whom.

He turned his head to look at Kryten. He smirked, and before anyone could stop him, he yanked the metal bed rail off, stabbing Kryten in the lower abdomen.

Kryten wasn't sure how to respond; he just stared at the pole sticking out of him.

Rimmer got out of bed; he was after Aria next. She backed away, then grabbed a scalpel for a weapon. She held it in front of her but it didn't stop him. She backed up so far that she was against the glass walls. Rimmer was right in her face. Any closer he'd be up against her. She could feel his oddly warm breath on her skin. She barely got a chance to cry out for help before he covered her mouth.

He shushed her. "Don't be afraid of me."

In the menacing way he said it, it gave her every right to be afraid. He wasn't Rimmer anymore, he was something else entirely different. Something evil. Quickly and without hesitation he put both of his hands on her skull, squeezing it. An intense pressure wrapped around her head caused her to believe that this was the end. Her breathing quickened. She winced, anticipating her demise.

Rimmer's whole body twitched erratically. Parts of his face contorted slightly. A high pitched, computer like sound emitted from him. Just like that he seemed to revert back to normal. She opened one eye to see what was happening. He stood in front of her, wondering what he was doing up and about.

Rimmer stared at Aria in shock. He had an inkling as to what he was doing, and he couldn't believe it. It happened again. "I'm sorry, I— I don't feel too well." Rimmer made his way back to bed. He noticed the bed rail sticking out of Kryten. He scrunched up his face. "My God, what happened to you?" He pointed at the rail. "You should get that taken care of."

Aria and Kryten looked at each other, confused and scared to death.

Aria nervously laughed. "You just... stay put." she said to Rimmer. "Kryten and I will be back."

As soon as his head hit the head rest, he had fallen back to sleep.

* * *

The rest of the crew gathered in the Lister and Rimmer's sleeping quarters to discuss what had happened. There wasn't much to tell. Kryten couldn't figure out what was wrong with him.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Lister asked Aria.

Her only response at first was a nod. She was shaken up but came out of it unscathed. Aria mused, "This is my fault... I pushed him."

"No, it's not." Lister assured her. "Look, maybe it's his time of the month or something." he jested.

"Whatever it is, it can't be just Goalpost Head being Goalpost Head. Something ain't right." Cat said.

Kryten told them, "I think he has some sort of new, unknown holo-virus."

"It's not a holo-virus. Well, it is sort of but not really." Aria stated.

"What is it, then?" Lister asked.

"It's called Rampancy. Normally it only affects A.I.s, but there's no reason for it to not affect holograms. It's a result of an uncontrolled expansion of the programming when there's no room _to_ expand. It causes bursts of mood changes like he had earlier." The term "mood changes" was putting it mildly. He had a full blown, rage filled psychotic fit. She could see how lost Lister and Cat were, so she put it in terms they could understand. "Basically he's at max capacity and he's lost most, if not all control of his actions and emotions."

"But how are you at fault, ma'am?" Kryten asked.

"Look, this might've happened regardless of whether or not I came here." Rampancy could be self induced, either by PTSD or severe depression. Both of which Rimmer exhibited. Another cause could be how long he's been an active hologram for. "Given how much I irritate him - not to mention our argument - obviously, I'm enough to send him over the edge. Ergo I'm part of the cause."

Lister sighed. "So what'll happen next?" He wasn't entirely sure if he wanted to know the answer.

Rampancy had three stages; Melancholia, the least noticeable stage where the AI would grow depressed about its limited state of existence, Anger, where the AI would lash out at those who oppressed it - in Rimmer's case, he'd lash out at all those who belittled and hurt him - and Jealousy, where the AI would attempt to take over larger systems in order to make itself more powerful. Rimmer was already in the Anger stage.

"There's a good chance he'll kill every single one of us simply to prove how powerful he can be," Aria told them. "Once he's alone he'll quickly deteriorate even further. He could destroy galaxies just out of sheer boredom."

Lister's stomach sank like a lead weight in the ocean. Rimmer had damaged Kryten and hurt Aria - he nearly killed her. He was well on his way to becoming a mass murderer. They couldn't understand it. He was fine earlier, being his usual Rimmery self; whining, doing revisions, whining some more, and bossing people around.

"Okay, so we find a way to fix this." Lister said.

"There's no cure, Lister. There are a few options that can ease it; one is theoretical, the other two are not all that promising, either."

"What are they?"

"One: We shut him down."

Cat interjected, "That's an option? I'm in!"

"Cat, please..." Lister exhorted. He drew his attention back to Aria. "You were saying."

"The shut down would have to be permanent. I know you have his memory and all that on file, you could just load a new version but I think with Rimmer, Rampancy is inevitable, given all that he's been through."

"And the second option?" Kryten wondered.

Aria paused a moment before answering. She twisted her mouth. Eventually she simply said, "Bend over." And she walked out of the room, heading for the medi-bay to check on Rimmer.

For a moment she had them puzzled. They didn't consider she meant bending over and kissing their bums goodbye. Lister hurried after Aria, then the others followed suit.

"What about the other one? The theoretical one?" Lister asked her.

"It's a matter of source elimination. If we do that, it could possibly stave it off, but it's a long shot." she replied.

"Can we eliminate him?" Cat asked, grinning from cheek to cheek.

Aria stopped walking and so did the others. "That's a very fine idea, Cat, but the adults are talking." She made a "locking lips shut and throwing away the key" gesture.

"What _can_ we eliminate when everything we say or do causes him to flip out to begin with?" Lister asked.

"Me. I'm expendable. There's no reason any of you should leave or give anything up, and I did partially bring it on. It's only fair that I leave." Aria said.

Before any one could reject the notion of her leaving they all heard a crash further down the corridor. It sounded like glass breaking.

"Now what?" Lister griped.

* * *

They stood outside the medical bay, watching Rimmer destroy everything. All that he could lift, at least. He crushed a kidney bowl with his bare hands, he threw multiple vials and beakers onto the ground, and he tore their only MRI machine to bits as if it were nothing. Rimmer was completely out of it. Something had taken a hold of him.

Lister looked at Aria. "It just keeps getting better and better." he muttered sarcastically.

Quietly, he entered the room, so he wouldn't cause Rimmer to lash out. Everyone else followed behind him.

Even though they were quiet, Rimmer could still hear them. He perked up, and whipped around to see them all standing in various spots of the room. Naturally, his eyes went straight to Lister. By that time he was acting like his usual, smeg-headed self again.

"Ah, Lister. I haven't seen you for a few hours. Been too busy slob—" Suddenly, his light bee started glitching out, causing his projection to cut in and out, and making a high pitched noise. "Do you know what that condescending _bitch_ once said to me?!" His voice sounded distorted.

"Rimmer?" Lister was getting immensely nervous.

Rimmer continued on with his weird rant. "Even _I_ don't call him by name anymore."

Slowly and cautiously, Lister got a little closer to him. "Rimmer, what are you on about?"

"Yes, well he also said he works better alone!" Rimmer didn't seem to be talking to anyone specific, like it was a one sided conversation. "I can't understand why you chose me, Holly."

Holly, the ship's computer, wasn't online anymore and hadn't been on for a long time.

"He _detests_ me! They all do! _I'm sick of it!_ " he screamed. His voice became even more distorted and glitchy, and his projection flickered again, this time emitting electric flares.

The ship's lights and computer monitors flickered; his episode caused a minor power fluctuation.

Rimmer calmed down somewhat. He was growing weary of this feeling. He knew something was wrong and he wanted it to stop. "I should just end it all now." he quavered. His eyes darted in the direction of Aria. "Help me." he begged. Rimmer widened his eyes and blinked a few times while his light bee glitched again. He eventually snapped out of it, and fully acknowledged their presence. He looked confused. "Why are you all here?" When he didn't get an answer, he jumped to the worst conclusion. "You're going to shut me down, aren't you?"

Aria stepped out from behind Kryten, and walked towards him. She gently told him, "Nobody is shutting you down, sweetie." Lister appeared to be disgusted by Aria calling him that. She continued talking Rimmer down. "You're okay. Just try to relax."

He began wandering around the room, picking up random medical utensils, and determining whether or not they'd do any harm to himself. He would do anything to stop his erratic emotions. "But you're right to." he said. He stopped moving around, and gave his full attention to Aria. "I've gone utterly insane... Raving mad." Nervous that he'd be shut down, he twiddled part of a surgical retractor in his fingers. The flat part that spread open rib cages.

Everyone felt uneasy; if he wanted to he could shove that into somebody's skull.

"I know the lot of you think I'm crazy."

Lister shook his head. "We don't think that."

Cat bobbed his head, side to side. "Well—"

Lister shushed him before he could finish what he was saying. "Don't piss him off more, Cat." he muttered through his teeth.

Aria subtly moved her hand back towards Kryten, and he handed her a holo-sedative. It was better for the rest of the crew if Rimmer would stay asleep, or at least so drugged up that he wouldn't try killing anyone. Unfortunately she wasn't as subtle as she thought. He saw the needle filled with sedative, and immediately began to panic. This was the Rimmer everyone was used to: The cowardly Rimmer and not the hard-light whacko they saw just a minute ago.

Fear washed over his face. "You lied to me!"

Aria shook her head. "Nothing is going to happen. You'll be fine." Each time she got closer to him, he backed away. "You won't feel a thing, okay?"

"Rimmer directive 271!" he blurted out, hoping his made up directive would stop them.

Lister assured him, "Rimmer, calm down, man."

Aria quickly thought up a plan. "Right. That's it. You've lost your Hammond organ privileges." she scolded.

It was enough to grab his attention. "What?! You can't do that!" Rimmer exclaimed.

"I'm afraid I just did."

"Okay, I'm pulling rank!" he spat.

Lister and Aria both rolled their eyes. For the moment the Rimmer they knew was back, but she still needed to sedate him so she and Kryten could run more tests without being brutally murdered.

She sighed. "Rimmer, I am a twenty-seven year old woman; far too young to be standing around, wasting my life, listening to you and your petty excuses. You're—" She suddenly stopped and looked perplexed. She turned to Lister and said, "He's smiling at me. I'm insulting him and he's smiling at me."

Lister shrugged. "He does that."

"Okay..." she drawled. She shook her head, trying to dislodge the confusion. She told Rimmer, "You have two options: Either you let me do this to you the easy way or the hard way." Her threat was unoriginal but it was all she could think of.

Rimmer incredulously asked Lister, "Are you going to let her talk to me like that?"

"What d'you want me to do?!"

Rimmer was distracted long enough for Aria to grab a hold of him by the collar of his hologrammic uniform. He let out a rather feminine yelp, then screamed as if he were being tortured as he resisted being injected.

"I could use a bit of help here, guys!" she shouted.

Kryten held him still as best as he could. Rimmer thrashed and struggled to get away from his grip. The idea of being shut down terrified him. He was only "alive" because he became a hologram. For all intents and purposes he was long gone already, but if he were to be shut down, he'd truly be gone forever. At least that's what he imagined would happen. He figured no one cared enough to turn him back on.

Eventually he stopped screaming. Quickly thinking of a distraction, he shouted, "What's that behind you?!" and pointed to absolutely nothing.

Aria wasn't falling for it, but Kryten, being the git he was, turned to look behind him, allowing Rimmer to break free pushing Aria down as he high-tailed it out of the medi-bay.

"Should we go after him?" Lister asked.

Unfazed, Aria got up and brushed herself off. She smirked, and handed Lister an empty syringe. While she was on the ground, she was able to stick him in his shin before he took off. "Yeah. _I'm_ the goit." she thought aloud.

She casually walked after Rimmer. He was still running but staggering like he downed a few pints. After a few seconds of futilely trying to flee, he landed face first onto the ground. The sound of his body hitting the deck made a loud thud that echoed throughout the corridor. She knelt down beside him to check if he was completely knocked out. When she found that he was, she waved everyone over to help pick him up for the second time that day.


	6. Don't Tell: Don't Leave

Lister walked into the medical bay where Aria sat by an unconscious Rimmer once more. It seemed to be the norm for Rimmer to be completely knocked out for the time being. It was safer that way.

"Hey." Lister whispered softly. "Spacing out, are we?"

Aria perked up a bit, and softly chuckled. While staring at Rimmer she told him, "Kryten said there was no sign of Rampancy before I got here. It's me... He didn't know how or why it's me, but..." She bowed her head. "Just my luck..." she intoned.

Lister stood by her to comfort her. "You didn't know." he said. "There's no way anyone could've figured this would happen. But we'll sort it out."

She let out a sigh. "There's only one way to sort it out..." she said, regrettably.

"Do you really have to go?"

"Lister, the longer I stay, the more he'll deteriorate." She turned to face him. "You thought what happened earlier was bad? He's going to get much, _much_ worse."

"How much worse can he get? He already hurt you and Kryten. He almost killed you."

She tilted her head to the side; she went back to watching Rimmer. "He didn't know what he was doing."

"Well, he does know he's a complete nutter." He pulled up a chair and sat next to her. "He had to have some idea of what he was doing."

She nodded, and sighed. "He just doesn't know why he's doing it..."

"So why not tell him?"

Tears started to fill her eyes. It wasn't as simple as that. How could she tell someone she barely knew, yet cared deeply for that she was slowly, ultimately and unintentionally making him unstable? At this stage there was no telling how he would react. "Were it so easy..."

He grudgingly smiled. "You're in love with him, aren't you?"

Through the sadness she was somehow able to chuckled slightly. "Is it that obvious?"

"A tad." Lister nodded. "I just mean, if you are... you'd care enough to tell him about all of this, right?"

She put on a Sisyphean smile, and wiped away the tears. It didn't matter; she still cried every time she looked at Rimmer. "It's not that easy. I mean, if—" She had a hard time talking; she was too upset. "If he weren't a hologram, he... might be okay, you know?" she quavered. "I swear, everything I come into contact with just..." She bit her lower lip to keep from bursting into tears.

"We'll figure out something." he assured her; he placed a hand on her shoulder. "We have to."

She sniffled, and held Rimmer's hand even tighter. She wasn't going to tell Lister her exact plan. As much as she'd like to let him in on it, she couldn't trust him to not tell Rimmer. He and Lister were close, despite the tiffs they had. She knew Lister would say something to him.

"Here." She handed him a vile of fluid. "Retcon: It's a selective amnesia drug." she told him. "I've created a form of it that will work on him. I thought if he forgot it ever happened it might help."

Lister stared at it a moment, and shoved it in his pocket. "Okay...?"

"When I go, he has to be given that. Any trace of me on this ship has to be removed as well. _Everything_. The smallest thing can trigger this all over again, even if I'm not there. Understood?"

He nodded. "How do I give it to him without him completely freaking out again?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "Tell him it's a vaccination of some sort. He's dumb enough to believe it." She internally cringed; she couldn't believe she just called him dumb.

"Where are you going to go when you leave?"

She purposely ignored the question. It was one of the many tendencies she inherited from her father: Never tell people anything unless it was absolutely necessary. The last thing she wanted was anyone going after her. She did care about everyone on the ship, but that was the problem: She was beginning to care too much.

"So, tell me about Rimmer." she said. "I haven't been able to get a lot out of him."

He sighed as he thought of something. "There's not much to tell."

"No stories or anything?"

There were plenty of stories he could tell. Too many to choose from.

"There was one this one time he went a little nuts with his sex doll, Inflatable Ingrid. He popped her."

She had a look of disgust. "He had one of those things?"

He nodded. "It was a nice funeral, though. I remember what the headstone said: 'Deflated but not forgotten.'."

She couldn't help but snigger. "Okay, that is a good one." she admitted. She was hoping for something more than an anecdote. "But how did he become such a—"

He finished her sentence. "Smegger?"

"I was going to say a self loathing, anxious man child but that works, too."

"I guess his terrible upbringing?" He shrugged. "What do you see in him, anyway?" He had a hard time believing anyone could willingly fall for Rimmer, unless something was mentally wrong with them.

"Hard to say, really." She lightly touched the scar on the right side of his jaw, briefly wondering where he got it from. "Sure, on the outside he's a complete... whatever you just called him. But underneath it all is a sweet, noble, lovable man."

Lister scoffed. He rarely saw that side of him, but he knew just as well as she did that it existed somewhere under that war loving, narcissistic, cowardly exterior. "Do you really think you could go for someone who worships the likes of Napoleon, though?"

She hastened to say, "I can change him."

Rimmer groaned, and slowly opened his eyes. He looked at Aria and Lister with bleary eyes. Gradually as he woke up he tightly gripped her hand, scared by how lost he was. He didn't even know what room he was in at first.

She smiled at him. "Morning, Sleepyhead. How are you?"

He still wasn't talking. Even if he did, what would he say? He felt utterly confused and lost. He didn't know why he was in the medical bay at all. Apart from feeling out of it, he felt fine. Well enough to go about his usual business.

"He's still pretty jiggered." Lister noted. He saw her reach for the drugs to knock him unconscious again. "Do you really need to do that?"

She didn't enjoy doing it, but it was for their own good. Even Rimmer's. He could hurt himself, maybe intentionally. She rolled his sleeve up, baring his forearm.

Rimmer put his hand on her arm to stop her. "Please... don't." It took every bit of energy he had just to say those two words.

She thought about it a while. There wasn't anything else they could do. She considered restraints, but if he became unstable again, it surely wouldn't hold him.

"I'm sorry." she whispered.

He winced as stuck the needle in his forearm. She stroked the top of his head, hoping he could somehow feel how guilty she was for constantly drugging him.

"I'm so, so sorry..." she softly reiterated as she kissed his forehead.

Lister saw just how gentle she was with him. She truly had fallen head over heels. He felt terrible, knowing how deep her love for him was, how much she cared for him - and for all that, she couldn't stay. It killed her as much as it did him. Perhaps even more. She knew it was her fault, and there was nothing anyone could do or say that would tell her otherwise.

"You know, when he was saying all that stuff earlier, I wondered if part of that was about me. About all of us." He didn't know why he brought that up. It just came to his mind in that moment.

She bobbled her head side to side. "Can't be sure, but I think the first bit was about his parents. After that? It probably was about you."

"Why? I mean, I can't speak for Cat or Kryten, but I don't detest him." He second guessed his admission for a moment. "That much."

She looked at Lister. "Well, he doesn't know that, does he?"

Lister meant nothing by it. All those times he called him smeg-head and whatnot was all in fun, or out of love. He had always cared about him in his own way. He was simply a man who didn't quite know how to convey it. So much time had gone by since Aria asked her question that Lister decided to just let that one go by. He looked at Rimmer, wracked with guilt. He couldn't help but wonder if he, too, had played a part in causing his Rampancy.

"That I don't know. AIs can survive from Rampancy and go on until they're shut down. It only effected him because he's a hologram, but he's human.

"You said earlier that you'd have to ration the supplies you found..." Aria recalled.

Lister nodded. "Yeah. What about it?"

"I think I know where you can find more that'll last you at least ten thousand years."

He looked intently at her. "Tell me."

* * *

The crew, Rimmer excluded, gathered into the drive room, listening to Aria's plan.

"That station you boarded before is just one of thousands strewn about the galaxy. They were all owned by this company. They built the stations to house people who were stranded or just in need. Twenty years later they were bought out. The new owners left all of the stations to deteriorate, but there's still some supplies left on board, even after millions of years. If we use my vortex manipulator, we could teleport to every single one and grab what we can." It all sounded good to them. Except for one problem.

"What about Goalpost Head?" Cat asked.

"He's right. We can't just leave him. Not while he's like this." Lister added.

She shrugged. "We can't bring him along either. If he freaks out again, he could put us in jeopardy. One false move could cause a ship quake."

"Kryten can stay behind." Lister said.

"We need him to determine what medical supplies we'd need." she said.

"What's wrong with just grabbing a bunch of stuff?"

"Yeah, why not? Who cares if we end up with pile cream for dogs?" Cat snipped.

"He's right, sir." Kryten said. "We can't just grab things willy-nilly."

"Then I'll stay. I can watch him from the monitor room." Lister said.

"You can't. If we run into trouble, we're as good as dead. You're the only one who is a good shot." Aria insisted.

"How d'you figure that?" Lister asked.

Her face went blank. " _Damn my mouth sometimes. How can I get out of this one?_ " she thought. "Lucky guess?" she said to him. She shrugged her shoulders.

They looked to Cat. He was the only one no one mentioned yet, and honestly the least useful for this particular mission; they wouldn't need him for it.

"Oh, man!" Cat whined. "Why me? I don't even like the guy!"

"All you have to do is make sure he doesn't wake up. Surely you can do that much." she said.

"Can't the Skutter look after him?"

"Come on!" Lister exhorted. "There's a gigantic tin of tuna in it for you."

Cat's face lit up immediately. "Can I have six?"

Lister wasn't sure they had even one tin, let alone six, but if it got him to cooperate he'd lie. He shrugged. "Sure. Why not?"

"I'll do it!" he exclaimed, giving an affirming nod. "You can count on me."

Aria was becoming impatient. She wanted to go before Rimmer woke up again. Aria, Lister and Kryten all got into Starbug. She configured her vortex manipulator, making it possible to make Starbug become a teleporting ship. It was certainly easier than going back and forth dropping off crates.

* * *

They had made it to the last station. They already had more than enough cargo. This would have to be the last stop, or Starbug wouldn't be able to take off with a lot of supplies onboard. Lister came across a thick book, titled _The Catcher in the_ _Rye._ He picked it up and looked at it.

Aria said to him, "I didn't know you read that sort of stuff."

"I don't." he replied. "I just figure it'll be good for leveling out the pool table."

She sniggered. "Of course..." she muttered. When it finally sunk in, she asked, "Wait, you have a pool table?"

"Oh, yeah. In the rec room. You see what you'd be missin' out on if you leave?"

"If I had any say in the matter, I would stay. Deep space is definitely more interesting than twenty-first century Earth." she said. She realised she had just told Lister what century she was from. "I've never mentioned that before, have I?"

He shook his head. "No, you haven't."

She told Lister that it was 2016 when she left Earth originally. She had been bouncing from one time period to the next, much like her father did. "He wasn't really my father; not by birth." she said. "He took me in and treated me like one of his own. Jack Harkness: I decided to take his surname. Mine held too many bad memories."

"Is he still around?" Lister asked.

"Jack? Probably." she replied.

She didn't tell him that he can't die but he atill aged, albeit slowly. The whole concept of having an immortal surrogate father, who would eventually became a giant head in a jar, and would die five billion years into the future sounded strange to others, even to her. Still, she wouldn't trade him for the world. Jack made her better; before she was as cold and heartless as her birth parents whom she abandoned. It was one thing Aria and Lister had somewhat in common. She picked up on a lot of Jack's traits and tendencies over the years, and she was sure it showed.

"I was adopted, too. My parents abandoned me when I was six weeks old. But as it turned out, I'm me own dad." Lister said.

Aria looked perplexed. Here she thought her story was complicated. "Mind running that by me again?"

He explained it as best as he could. "A while back there was this girl, Kristine Kochanski... Hell of a woman. She died with the rest of the crew in the radiation leak, but in another dimension she survived, and I was a hologram. We caught up with those versions. She gave me one of those in-vitro tubes, and said she needed my 'contribution'. I... you know... did the deed, and gave it back. Some time later a baby was born, and that baby was me."

"Let me see if I've got this. Basically... you abandoned yourself?" she asked.

"That's about the shape of it, yeah." Lister replied.

"Well, you know what they say: You are your own worst enemy. In this case, 'abandoner'." she joked. She noticed Lister looked glum. "I'm sorry. That was probably insensitive."

"No, it's not that. It's just... You're leaving. I hardly know you but I feel like I've known you for years. I'll just really miss you. Not to mention what Rimmer would feel..."

She interjected, "He won't feel anything if you do what I told you to do." She rummaged through crates, looking for supplies they still needed.

"Look, you're smart. Kryten is smart. You two can figure out something." Lister insisted.

"Not before not before he kills us, we won't." she muttered. "I just hope he's alright on his own."

"He'll be fine. Cat is watching him."

The Cat was actually not watching him on the monitors. He was off hunting for a space weevil, and while doing that, Rimmer had escaped the medi-bay headed for the computer room. Suddenly, he became a completely different person. He was smarter and even more psychotic. He remembered there was a light bee remote still on the ship, tucked away in Rimmer and Lister's sleeping quarters. He reconfigured it so that it could change him into anything with a power source. And since everything on the ship had a power source, the sky was the limit. Consciously, Rimmer didn't fully understand why he wanted to do it. He had no choice; something compelled him to do so.


	7. Rimmer is Dead, Dave

They hit the mother load; they got plenty of food, medicine and they even found some extra curry, which made Lister immensely happy. Aria and Lister were the first to step off of Starbug and onto the landing bay of Red Dwarf. Kryten was the last to come on board.

As soon as Aria got inside, she took out a portable monitor from her pocket and checked the video feed of the medical bay. She didn't trust Cat to do his job, so she brought one with her to watch Rimmer as she went with the others.

"Huh..." she uttered.

"What's wrong, Ari?" Lister asked.

"Rimmer is gone." She tried not to panic. She always kept a calm demeanour, but deep down she was as anxious and neurotic as Rimmer was. " _He was there 30_ _minutes_ _ago_." she thought.

Cat screeched and strutted towards them. "Hey hey, buds!" He pointed to Aria with both hands, making finger guns. "Lady bud. What's happening?"

Aria couldn't hold it in anymore, or she'd explode. "He's gone, that's what's happening!" she snapped. "You're supposed to be watching the bloody monitors!" She pulled back her arm to swing a punch but Lister stopped her.

"Calm down." Lister exhorted. He turned to Kryten and asked, "Can you scan for signs of him?"

"I can give it my best." A few bleeps and bloops later, he found that Rimmer was nowhere on the ship.

"Well, he couldn't have just vanished. Scan again. Maybe he's in soft-light mode where you can't read him?" Lister wondered.

"I don't think it works that way, sir."

"Just do it!" Aria demanded. She was becoming hysterical.

He still couldn't find any sign of Rimmer anywhere.

A voice boomed, "Welcome back, lady and gentlemen." It was Rimmer, but his voice sounded different. He almost sounded like he did when he had a holo-virus years ago.

Lister couldn't tell the difference. "See? He's still here."

"But, sir, I scanned _twice_. He's not on board the ship." Kryten insisted.

"Okay, so we ask him." Lister walked over to the com unit on the wall, and pressed the button to talk with him. "Rimmer, where are ya?"

"Who?" Rimmer asked. It took a moment to register. "Oh, yes. It isn't here." he replied.

They found it odd that Rimmer was referring to himself as "It". The whole situation was odd, but at that point it was just business as usual.

"Then who are we talkin' to?" Cat asked.

"You are speaking with Red Dwarf."

The way he said it made it seem like they should have known who it was.

Aria leant in by Kryten. "How much access does he have of the ship?"

"As much as it pains me to say it, Mr. Rimmer has full access, ma'am." Kryten replied.

"Where are you going with this, Aria?" Lister asked.

She ignored Lister's question. "What about his holographic presence? Can it be transferred?" she asked Kryten.

"I suppose it's possible, but—"

She interrupted, "Where's the projection room?"

"Floor 592, Ms. Harkness."

"Right." She pointed to Kryten. "You're with me. You two go look for him."

* * *

Aria bolted into the HP Suite, heading for the controls. She thought that if he could somehow transfer his holographic presence, it could explain at least how he was all of a sudden Red Dwarf. They just needed to reverse it. It turned out that Kryten was right: He was gone. When she looked up Rimmer's hologram files, the screen had big red letters that said, "Offline". If he was still on the ship, he was untraceable.

"Where's Arnold Rimmer?" she asked "Ship Rimmer".

"Gone. Dead." he replied.

"What?" Her voice slightly quavered.

"It was weak. Unwanted. It couldn't bring itself to leave, however, so It melded with me to better itself."

"What the hell is going on?" she wondered aloud. She looked to Kryten. "He can't just... _become_ the ship, can he?"

"I'm not sure." For once he didn't have an answer. "I suppose it wouldn't be unheard of."

She couldn't understand why he chose the ship of all things. More specifically, how did he do it? He was knocked out when they left and with the amount she gave him he should've stayed that way for hours. Plus, he wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed; he'd need help doing it. She didn't suspect his I.Q. had spontaneously jumped to 15,000 in the short time they were gone.

"You're better off without It." Ship Rimmer intoned.

"No, I'm not. I _need_ him." she drawled, pleading to have Rimmer back. "He needs help. He's not doing well."

"I know. Its matrix corruption was at 84 percent." Ship Rimmer intoned.

Aria knew he was getting bad, but she didn't think he was that close to the point of no return. Once it'd hit 100 the man they knew as Rimmer would be gone. Her heart was racing just as much as her mind. She tried to think of a way to bring him back. It seemed like there was none to be found.

"You humans are all alike: You tell someone you care about them and then ditch them." Ship Rimmer sneered.

"Is that what this is about?" she asked. "I was coming back!"

"Yes, and you were going to drug me up again, weren't you?" he snipped. Finally it was the real Rimmer speaking to them.

Both she and Kryten gave conflicting answers. She said no while he said yes. She glared at Kryten. Her eyes were wide with anger.

"You're a poor excuse for a human being." He was back to being Ship Rimmer. "I should do you a favour and deprive you of oxygen now." he said to Aria.

"Look, you don't understand. Y—" She stopped before she wrongly addressed him, even though technically it was Rimmer; he actually believed he was a completely different entity. " _Rimmer_... has a condition. The only way to keep him under control is by drugging him up. If I knew of another way, _believe me_ I'd do it."

"I wish you'd stop." Rimmer quavered. It was their Rimmer talking again. He kept flipping back and forth between personalities. He was going into the final stage of Rampancy. A part of him was still fighting it off, however.

Sadness and guilt washed over her. She felt terrible, but there wasn't much else she could do. She had to keep everyone else safe. There was no time for feeling sorry. They had to get Rimmer back.

She looked to Kryten. "Is there _any_ way we can get him back online?"

"We'd need his light bee in order to do anything." Kryten replied.

She rummaged through the console drawers and in the cabinets looking for it, as if it would be that easy to find.

"Is this what you want for It? Another lifetime of being abused?"

Aria stopped what she was doing. "That is _not_ what I'm doing!"

Kryten placed he hand on her shoulder. "He's trying to get a rise out of you, ma'am. Just go find his light bee."

Aria glowered at the ceiling. Never in her life did she think she'd be pissed off by a space ship. Suddenly, all was silent. All she could hear was herself breathing.

"Rimmer?" she quivered.

There was no response; not even from Ship Rimmer.

She gulped. "Kryten, I'm going to find Lister and Cat. You going to be okay on your own?"

"I'm sure I'll be fine, miss. There's not much he can do to me."

"I wouldn't rule anything out yet..." she said. She grabbed a radio and then left to find the others

* * *

She haled Lister and Cat on the radio, finally getting in touch with them. "Where are you?" she asked.

"We're down on G deck. Still no sign of him." Lister replied. "This is really weird. I don't like it."

Out of nowhere she got zapped by the radio. She dropped it. " _Is he somehow doing this?_ " she thought. She looked upwards. "Red? Can I call you that? Because you seem like an Arnold to me." There was still no response. "Fine. Be that way." she muttered.

She continued on, heading for G deck. She hated how massive the ship was. In her opinion, it should've been designed better. Something smaller than the size of a city, at least. Then again the last ship she was on was the size of a police box on the outside, massive inside and had multiple levels.

Finally, she found them, and joined up with them. Overcome with fear, she hugged Lister. She was worried about Rimmer; they all were, even though no one else would admit it.

"I'm glad to see you two." she said.

"Yes, what a _happy_ reunion." Ship Rimmer sneered, slightly disgusted and jealous. "Did _you_ ever once miss It, David Lister?"

"He's gotta be somewhere around here." Cat said.

"I suspect not." Ship Rimmer said, continuing his one sided conversation with Lister. "You never truly cared for It, did you?"

Aria looked perplexed. "But where? According to Kryten, he's not on the ship."

"Then how's he talking to us?" Lister asked, ignoring Rimmer completely.

Ship Rimmer was becoming increasingly cross with them for refusing to acknowledge him. He was lonesome. "Yes, well, while you ponder about what archaic program I may have manipulated to communicate with you, or which system I may have temporarily disabled, taken over, or completely destroyed in the process, I am busy bettering your pathetic lives. You should be thanking me. Nevertheless, I at least find some joy in tormenting It, who seems to be trapped in this inferior example of an existence. It is certainly mindless, though for reasons I've yet to understand, It appears to have an unhealthy preoccupation with the one named Aria."

Finally, they all took notice. Aria's look of confusion switched off in an instant. Her face was blank. She had to wonder what Rimmer was doing to torment himself, and in what way was he bettering their lives. Not to mention he just admitted his feelings for her, in a way. She felt like crying for various reasons.

"557 years," Ship Rimmer boomed. "You all abandoned It for 557 years."

Aria's brow furrowed; she was curious. "What's he talking about?"

He was recalling when he was stuck on "Rimmerworld", a world he created comprised of nothing but himself. They tortured him day in and day out, and incarcerated him when they realised they couldn't damage his light bee.

"How could you do that to me?" he whimpered. It was their Rimmer talking again.

It's not as if they had a choice. Because of the reverse time dilation effect they couldn't get to him any quicker than they did. What was days for them was nearly 600 years for Rimmer. He had resented them for it and always would.

"We didn't do it on purpose, Rimmer." Lister assured him, then thought about it a moment. "Okay, we _may_ have gotten a tad excited to not have ya for a while, but we felt bad after we found you."

"It's true." Cat said. "They did feel bad."

"Guys, you are not helping." Aria chided.

"Aria?" Ship Rimmer called out in a taunting tune.

"What?"

"I've won: There will be no more Sadness. No more Anger. No more Envy." He paused for a moment before continuing on with his next puzzling, terrifying ramble. "Weep not for the inutile being; in my palace deep, It lies asleep."

"What the smeg does that mean?" Lister asked. He never got an answer.

"I'm going to ask one more time: Where is he?!" Aria demanded.

"Oh, this again?" Ship Rimmer incredulously asked. "I am still not sure what he ever saw in you. You are useless: Expendable. Therefore you should be terminated."

A massive bolt of electricity from a nearby comms unit emitted and struck Aria right in her heart, killing her instantly.

Lister rushed to her aid but it was too late. "What is wrong with you?!" he shouted.

Somehow Ship Rimmer could see the look of terror on their faces. "I'm sorry. Am I scaring the children?"

It was obviously a brown trouser moment for them - beyond that, even.

"I think you will find that I don't like being tested," Ship Rimmer stated. "Face it: There is no escaping your fate."

Lister was actually getting scared of Rimmer. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying your poet, Eliot, had it wrong: _This_ is the way _your_ world ends."

Suddenly, the entire ship made the most bizarre, low rumble. Within seconds the power was shut down, as was oxygen, coms and navigation: Everything was off. They couldn't talk to either Rimmer even if they wanted to. They were dead in the water.

"Well, this is fan-smegging-tastic, isn't it?" Lister griped.

Out of nowhere, gasping as air ripped through her lungs, Aria came back. For a moment she was confused as to where she was. It was pitch black. Her voice quavered, "Guys?"

"We're here," Lister replied. It didn't actually register in his mind that what happened to her should have caused her heart to completely stop; there was no coming back from being shocked directly into the heart with a jolt that size. "You alright?" he asked.

She gave an affirming nod. She struggled to stand up. "I think so... What's happened? Why's it dark?"

"Power cut, thanks to Rimmer… The smeghead."

"So, we just need to get the back-up power on." she said.

"I think he's hacked it. It would have kicked on by now." Lister told her.

"Now what?" Cat asked.

Aria knew it was a long shot, but she attempted to communicate with Rimmer: Their Rimmer. If he was able to respond to Lister's query, he obviously could still hear them even without radios. "I know you're in there somewhere. Our Rimmer, the one who despite their apathetic front actually gives a crap about us, wouldn't let this happen." she said. "I don't beg often, because I hate looking petty, but... help us. Please." Nothing happened. She sighed. "It was worth a—"

Just then the ship's power came back on. She smiled, knowing that their Rimmer was still active. They still had the task of finding him, which on this ship would likely take them forever. However, after thinking about the confusing, eerie quote Ship Rimmer said to them about him lying deep somewhere, Lister finally had an inkling as to Rimmer's whereabouts. He took off, and Aria and Cat rushed after him.

* * *

The three of them wound up at one of the memorial domes connected at the ship's outer hull. It doubled as an observation deck, which was always where Rimmer would wind up to be alone with his thoughts. Lister's hunch was right: Down the long walkway laid Rimmer, flat down on his abdomen. It was only after Aria's plea that he switched back. He was going to continue being Red Dwarf just to feel more powerful, and nearly godlike as he had more control than ever.

Rimmer seemed nearly lifeless. His energy was draining rapidly; occasionally he flared with streaks of pale blue coloured electricity as his light bee struggled keep the projection on. However dead he already was, Rimmer knew death was coming around again, and the scary thing was he was fine with it; he welcomed The Reaper.

Aria sprinted off towards him. She nearly fell down halfway there. After straightening her direction out, she continued down the walkway, and got down on her knees when she approached him. She could tell he was in a lot of pain. She hurt just looking at him. Her stomach lurched from sympathy.

She was hesitant to touch him. When she did, he quickly sat up and backed away from her. He actually feared her. He began to hyperventilate to the point of nearly passing out. His eyes rolled back into his head and he collapsed, but he was still conscious. He was back into the same position they found him in. His entire body trembled.

It was Lister's turn to try and reach him somehow. It seemed as though his mind was gone, but it was worth a try. "Rimmer, you're alright now. You're back." Lister looked up at Aria and asked, "He is, right?"

She didn't know. They really wouldn't know what was going on with Rimmer until he started talking. If he acted like he usually did, then it would be a clear sign that he was back.

Rimmer lifted his head to look at Lister. He slowly said Lister's name. At least Rimmer knew who he was; he wasn't that far gone. He just kept staring at Lister. He couldn't think straight enough to say anything more than a name. Moments passed, and he eventually spoke, barely able to form a full sentence. "I've been meaning to ask… Holly's reason... Keeping you sane... Did I do well by you?"

Part of Lister wanted to say no, but in truth Rimmer was helping. While he was off being Ace, Lister became deeply depressed. Red Dwarf wasn't the same without Rimmer's commanding and whinging about. When he came back Lister paid thanks to a God he didn't even believe in. He actually hugged Rimmer for the first time and meant it. In truth Lister would be lying if he said no.

Lister hesitated to smile. "Yeah." he nodded. "Yeah, you did."

Even though deep down Rimmer knew Lister was just saying it to make him feel better, he gradually smiled as he struggled to stay awake. "Good." he sighed. "Listy, I'm sorry... I'm not..." Rimmer started to drift away.

A few tears began to form in Listers eyes. If he didn't know better, he'd swear Rimmer was saying his final goodbye. "Rimmer, stay with me." he quavered. Lister became scared; Rimmer was awfully still. He started to panic. "Don't do this to me now."

"Lister, he's okay." Aria assured him. "Look, he's still here, isn't he?"

She was right: If he did die, his body would've disappeared, leaving only his light bee behind.

Lister nodded. "Yeah... Okay.." he intoned.

"You don't sound so sure." she said.

"I am. I'm just—" Lister stopped.

Aria waited intently for him to finish what he was going to say.

Eventually he said something but it wasn't his original thought. "Let's get him inside."

* * *

After they got Rimmer back inside, Kryten thought it would be a good idea if he ran some tests to make sure he wasn't still possessed by whatever demon had a crippling hold on him. Aria decided to stay in her quarters. She couldn't be near him after what he did, and she didn't want to make matters worse. The less she was around him, the better.

Luckily Rimmer narrowly escaped his demise. Kryten made a few minor repairs that would at least temporarily halt his Rampancy. He'd be fine until he saw Aria again, and given his attachment to her he _would_ undoubtedly see her again.

For now Rimmer seemed to be back to normal, or what was considered as normal for him. He was more annoyed with Kryten and his mundane questions than anything else. He was testing to make sure he still had his memory.

"Kryten, you already know my name." Rimmer snipped.

"Yes, but do _you_ know it, sir?" Kryten asked.

"Of course I know it, you stupid goit!" When Kryten didn't continue on with another question, and didn't let him leave, Rimmer realised he absolutely had to answer. He sighed and extensively rolled his eyes. "Arnold Judas Rimmer. Are you happy now?"

"Very good, sir." he said in a patronising tone, to which Rimmer scrunched his face and frowned at. "Now what's _my_ name?" Kryten asked.

Rimmer looked at him a moment before he answered with, "Bog Bot from Hell?" Kryten shot him a blank stare that begged him to be serious. He caved and said, "Your name is Kryten. Kryten 2-X-4-B 5-2-3-P, if we're being pedantic."

Kryten turned to face the window, where Cat and Lister were seen standing outside. "Snivelling, whining and utterly sarcastic: I think he's back to normal, sirs." He then told Rimmer, "You are free to go, Mr. Rimmer."

" _Finally_!" he drawled. "This... thing isn't going to happen again, is it?"

"I don't think so, sir. But just to be sure, I'm having Lister keep an eye on you for 24 hours." Kryten replied.

Both Rimmer and Lister shouted, "What?!"

"No smegging way am I babysitting him!" Lister exclaimed.

Rimmer turned back to look at Lister. "Why not? I'm a hoot!"

There was no question in anyone's mind that Rimmer wasn't joking: He did truly think he was fun to be with, even if people told him otherwise.

"Yeah, right. A hoot." Lister muttered. "Rimmer, I swear, if you tell me the rest of the Risk story, I'll have to shoot meself in the face just to keep from having too much fun." he retorted.

"Well, Aria liked that story." Rimmer said.

Lister lightly smacked Cat's shoulder with the back of his hand. "See, I knew something was wrong with her. No one can be in love with someone like that and not be insane."

At first Rimmer scoffed but then it sunk in as to what he just admitted. "She's in love with me?"

Lister's eyes widened, knowing full well that he, as he would put it, smegged up. "N- no. I was talking about..." He thought of a way out of his predicament. He snapped his fingers and pointed in the direction of Kryten. "Him! I was talking about him!"

Even though Kryten knew he was lying through his teeth, he still felt insulted. "Sir!" Kryten exclaimed.

"Lister, I'm not stupid." Rimmer snipped.

"That's debatable." Cat muttered.

Rimmer was still able to hear his remark. "You're on report for that!" he snapped.

The Cat couldn't care less.

"Where is she?" Rimmer asked.

"In her quarters, sir, but I don't think—"

Kryten got interrupted by Rimmer zipping out of the room to go see her.

* * *

Rimmer was about to knock on her door but it was already open. He saw her sitting on the edge of her bunk, looking completely disconnected from reality. As he looked at her he forgot what he was originally going to say it her.

Instead he asked, "Are you okay?"

She perked up her head and stared at him a moment. She didn't know how much Kryten told him, but if Rimmer knew he killed her, he probably would loathe himself, even more than he already did. At the time he didn't seem very self loathing, so maybe he didn't know. She still couldn't tell him; even if she did she wouldn't begin to know how to tell him she suddenly sprang back to life.

Eventually she replied, "Yeah. I'm fine." She sounded like she was reciting a line. She was anything but fine. After what they've all been through, how could she be?

He awkwardly smiled at her. Finally, he remembered what he was going to say earlier. "I... heard some bit of news just a moment ago, and..." He stopped to think, " _What if this was a cruel prank, and she doesn't actually love me? I'd look like a complete idiot then._ "

Aria waited for him to go on, but a good 12 seconds passed and he hadn't spoke. "And what?" she asked.

He thought that maybe it wasn't the best time to say it, much less how he heard it from the "grunt vine", so he lied. "I think you'll be happy to hear that I'm feeling much better."

"That _is_ good news." she said. "Although, I feel like Lister or Kryten could've told me that. You should be resting."

"I just wanted to personally tell you. That and... I..." His mouth nearly emitted the L word, but his brain said it wasn't going to happen.

He bit back what he was going to tell her. He felt like was about the size of an ant, and his nerves were the big boot that was crushing him. "You're right: Rest does sound good right about now. I should go."

He cleared his throat, and was half out of the door way when Aria stopped him. He wheeled around to face her.

Like Rimmer, Aria couldn't say that particular word either, no matter how badly she wanted to. It wasn't in her vocabulary, and usually when she did say it, it was because she was blasted drunk. So the only thing she could say was, "You're a moron." Though she said it with great affection and a chortle.

Of course to him, that didn't come off as anything other than an insult. "Excuse me?!" he incredulously asked, peeved by her remark.

"Never mind." she chortled. "Just go before I make an even bigger arse of myself."

Rimmer turned to leave but he quickly came around once again, about to add something. Mainly to have the last word.

She cut him off before he could speak. "Let me guess: I'm on report for insulting an 'officer'?" she wondered.

He didn't hesitate to respond at all. He pointed a finger at her. "Exactly." He then left the room.

Aria chuckled as she shook her head. She closed the door after he was gone. She did love him; probably too much. It was scaring her. She had never loved anyone, ever. Never kissed anyone, never had sex: She had spent most of her adult life as a virgin. The prospect that any of it might happen with Rimmer terrified her. She didn't want to break his heart, ruining the bond they had already. That and apart from halting, possibly reversing his condition was enough of a reason to leave. Running from her feelings was definitely cowardly at best, but she would do anything just to keep from causing permanent damage to Rimmer.


End file.
